Friendship is what really matters to us

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It has been a while since I've posted here, and even longer since I have done a podcast. But as of this week, I'm going to be back in business on all fronts.

It was 30 years ago and far away ...

Anyone who knows me knows the premium I put on friendship. To me there are few things more important in this world than the friends we make and the way we treat them.

Last month I had the opportunity to attend a 30-year reunion and see friends I hadn't seen since the early '80s. I was one of the founding members of the George Mason University chapter of Sigma Phi Epsilon fraternity, and I was the first elected president after we received our charter.

I didn't stay in the Washington, D.C., area after college. My career took me in a different direction, but it would have been interesting to have been able to maintain those friendships during the last three decades.

Friendships matter -- more than just about anything in the world except family.

Without friends, we don't have much.

With friends, we are wealthy indeed.

Thanks for the minute.

Moving doesn't solve all your problems

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It has been a while, and I need to apologize for that. I have been wrapped up in my own problems and haven't spent a whole lot of time thinking great thoughts.

Mid October 2010

As we get closer to leaving for Georgia, things become more and more complicated. We'll give up the car this weekend so that we can recover it in Atlanta on Oct. 29, when we arrive.

We'll give up our furniture next Friday so that it can be delivered within the first couple of days we're in Georgia, and for all the work we have done packing, there is probably still a good two days worth of work to do.

Both of us are looking forward to the movie as something that will solve all our problems, and of course that doesn't work the way folks think it will. I have been quoting a great line from a movie I never saw -- "Bucakroo Banzai" -- for the last 20 years.

"No matter where you go, there you are."

Thanks for the minute.

Just feeling better and better these days

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It isn't always easy to explain why we feel the way we feel, but sometimes it doesn't matter. Sometimes we feel so good that all we can really do is ride those feelings and enjoy them for as long as they last.

I'm not sure exactly why I'm feeling so good -- I suppose a lot of it is that our move to Georgia is getting closer and closer -- but I have been feeling lately as if I'm a battery that is just charging and charging.

The time since July 18, when I returned from Texas, has felt like a sort of interlude to me. Everything I have been doing since then has felt either like spinning my wheels or getting ready for the next phase of my life. But now that we have settled on a mover and a moving date, now that we know we will be in our new home in Georgia when October ends, all of a sudden everything feels great.

And the only piece of advice I would give anyone is that when everything feels great, you don't ask why. You just enjoy it.

Thanks for the minute.

Being oblivious isn't a good habit to have

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If there's one thing that is really difficult at times, it's understanding that in a relationship, doing things the way you want to do them isn't always the way your partner would prefer.

My wife understands me pretty well, and one thing that disappoints her is that I'm not particularly observant. In fact, if I didn't know it as a fact, I probably wouldn't even be aware that her eyes are blue.

Nicole last Christmas with Ryan, Maddie and Pauline.

She asked me to pick up some energy drinks for her the other day, and I grabbed an assortment of various flavors.

"After 18 years, don't you know yet that I don't like lemonade?" she asked.

Actually, I didn't.

If we're going to retire to Georgia together and spend a lot more time together than we do now, I definitely have to become more observant.

Thanks for the minute.

Big jobs get easier when we break them down

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Some big jobs seem almost overwhelming, but if you break them down into single steps, they become conceivable -- and doable.

The destination

We're in the process right now of getting ready to move all the way across the country next month, from our apartment in Southern California to a house in North Georgia. It seems like a really big deal, although Nicole has been preparing for the move for months by packing things into boxes and putting them in our living room. I've never known anyone better at getting things accomplished, and in being organized at it, than my wife.

I moved every year or two through the 1980s. Heck, I lived in Virginia, both Carolinas, Missouri, Colorado and Nevada during that misbegotten decade. And since I was single, I always moved myself, including loading and driving the U-Haul.

We'll be using a professional mover, so the biggest part of the job for me is getting estimates so that we can pick the right company.

I ought to be able to do something that simple, right?

I'll keep you posted.

Thanks for the minute.

One of life's great pleasures -- beach music

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William Congreve probably never heard of Carolina beach music, but he still came up with one of the most famous quotes ever about the value of music when he said, "Music has charms to soothe the savage breast."

Big Bill Congreve

He's often misquoted, because a lot of folks think he said "savage beast," but he didn't. The music of his time (the early 18th century) wasn't that powerful.

Still, if any of those savage beasts -- or breasts -- had stopped in on a summer evening in Myrtle Beach, S.C., or at any of hundreds of fraternity houses at Southeastern universities, they might have felt very soothed by the likes of General Johnson and the Chairmen or the Tams.

Or they might have been inspired by the song chosen as the greatest beach music song of all time, "Sixty Minute Man," by the Dominoes.

I grew up on groups like the Showmen ("39-21-46," "It Will Stand") or Virginia Beach's own Bill Deal and the Rhondells ("I've Been Hurt," "May I").

In case you don't get it, beach music has very little to do with surfing. It's basically R&B songs of a certain type, with a beat made for dancing the Shag and drinking beer out of Dixie cups.

And it is wonderful.

Thanks for that minute.

Succeeding at anything just a matter of willpower

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I'm here to tell you that you can do amazing things, whether you believe it right now or not.

I have never considered myself a person of particularly strong will, but simply by putting one foot ahead of another and simply dieting one day at a time, I have lost 102 pounds in less than five months.

178 pounds

How did I do it? I didn't take diet pills, or wear a lap band, or get my stomach stapled. Liposuction was not involved.

Starting at the beginning of May, I awakened each morning with two decisions -- one positive, one negative. I made the decision each day that I was going to walk, usually 5-6 miles, and that I was not going to eat more than 1,500 calories during the next 24 hours.

Since I weighed 280 pounds when I started, any thought of not being overweight was a long way off. I just tried to crack the 270 barrier, then the 260, and so on.

I started with a Body Mass Index of 39.0, and since anything over 30 is considered obese, I had big problems.

But the weight came off, and I got stronger and stronger in my resolve to succeed. This morning I weighed 178 pounds, and my BMI is 24.8, which is at the high end of the range for normal weight. For the first time in about 20 years, I'm not even one pound overweight.

Now I believe I can do anything.

And so can you. All you have to do is believe in yourself.

Thanks for that minute.

With a little effort, it's easier to stay calm

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You've doubtless heard the expression, "Don't sweat the small stuff." It's certainly good advice, but it isn't always easy to follow. Sometimes things build up and the littlest things drive us absolutely nuts.

But only if we let them.

There are too many times we underestimate our own abilities and don't protect ourselves from ourselves. This may not always be true -- particularly when someone else's actions actually affect us -- but we really ought to be able to slough it off when people around us just do things the way we don't want them to do.

Last Sunday morning, Nicole said she wanted us to go to Mass. So I got up, had breakfast, showered and dressed and then awakened her. She said she was tired and didn't want to go.

In the past, I would have let that bother me. Heck, I could have slept more myself.

This time, though, I just let her sleep and went to church by myself.

I felt great.

Thanks for that minute.

Time to look to the future, not to the past

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Of course today is Sept. 11th, which makes it the anniversary of the attacks on New York and Washington nine years ago.

To be honest, I'm not sure why we're making such a big deal out of them. It disturbs me that we have become a nation that spends so much time obsessing on the past.

But we sure do, don't we?

We have millions of people in this country for whom history stopped nine years ago today, and everything that has happened in the world since then has been in reaction to those attacks.

I'm not talking about the families who lost loved ones.

I'm talking about the folks for whom 911 and Islamophobia fits perfectly into their world view, and I don't have much use for those people.

We used to be a country that looked ahead.

We need to start doing that again.

Thanks for that minute.

If you want to be happy, turn off your television

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If you do, I'm going to tell you the absolutely healthiest, smartest thing you can do in your own life, and I can do it in three words.

Stop ... watching ... television.

Pretty simple, huh?

Let's leave out the fact that programming is incredibly inane. We can even leave out the fact that advertising on TV is designed to get you to spend money you don't have on things you don't need.

Watching television -- especially watching lots of television -- makes you more passive. And over a long period of time, it changes your brain waves. It makes you less likely to stand up for yourself, more willing to accept the status quo and of course less well-informed.

It's the perfect pacifier, and it's the primary reason that people are essentially so docile (except when someone on television tries to stir them up).

Ever wonder why despite the fact that something like 70 percent of the people in this country say they are (at best) just getting by, there's really little talk of changing the system?

Television.

John Prine said it first:

"Blow up your TV ..."

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Politics is the art of the scummy and the undoable

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I grew up fascinated by politics, and there were certainly times in my youth that I dreamed of a political career.

I never saw myself as president. Even my ego wouldn't reach that far, but I did see myself as a senator from whatever state I ended up in.

Well, politics wound up being something I never tried. The last time I stood for election was in 1980, when I ran for president of my fraternity. I won that election, but I have never run for anything since.

The problem with politics is the type of people it attracts and the compromises they have to make to be elected. No matter who runs and who wins, we seem always to end up voting for the lesser of two evils.

And the lesser of two evils is still evil.

I go back to that old saying -- "Put not your trust in princes" -- and suggest that anyone looking for politicians to change their life, whether it's an Obama or a Reagan or a Palin, is going to be disappointed time and time again.

Work in your own community.

Work to make your life and the lives of those around you better. You'll accomplish more than any 10 politicians.

Thanks for the minute.

A new house, maybe the last one for me

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When I was in my 30s, I moved a lot. In fact, I lived at 11 different addresses in six different states between my 30th and 40th birthdays. Most of those were career moves -- I was single at the last 10 of those 11 addresses -- and I never had any idea when I might settle down.

If all goes well, my last home

I lived at three different addresses in my first two years in Southern California, but then I settled down at our beautiful home in La Canada for nearly 16 years.

In two months or so, if all goes well, Nicole and I will settle into the last place we will ever live -- our lovely new home in Georgia.

I have lived in brand-new houses three times before, twice in Ohio and once in Virginia, but my parents owned those houses. My mother has lived in the third of those homes for 48 years now.

There's something special about a new house, one no one else has ever occupied.

We intend to fill ours with love.

Thanks for that minute.

Walking isn't high impact, but it certainly works

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I've been thinking lately about the old joke about the guy whose doctor told him to run two miles a day. A week later, he called the doctor and told him he had followed the advice.

"What's the problem?" the doctor asked.

"Well, I'm 14 miles from home."

Walking down Honolulu Avenue

That's not my problem. I don't run, and unlike former President Calvin Coolidge, who made history by saying he would not run in 1928, I don't plan ever to run again.

I do walk, though, and I spend 2-3 hours almost every day wearing out a pair of Nikes. Since I returned home from Texas 45 days ago, there has been only one day that I didn't walk.

Since I walk an average of at least 5 miles a day, I think that means I have probably walked about 220 miles.

That's more than halfway to Sacramento if I was heading north and nearly to the state line if I were heading east. South would take me into Mexico, and if I had headed west, I would have been swimming for the last 185 miles or so.

It's not the highest impact exercise, but it is working. I've lost 26 pounds since returning home, which makes my total weight loss 93 pounds in a little more than four months.

I highly recommend it.

Thanks for the minute.

Technology isn't always the answer to our prayers

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This doesn't happen to me often, but I'm feeling a little bit like a Luddite.

This spring, when I was in Texas, my Blackberry Storm went bad for the second time in a year. This time it wasn't under warranty, so I had to work some elaborate switch and I found myself with a similar type of phone known as an Android.

I know, I know. It's the hot new phone this year, but as much as I liked my Blackberry, I never could warm to the Android. For one thing, any time I put it in my pocket, it would open Websites or even worse, dial phone numbers.

It would lock itself and I couldn't answer calls.

When I disconnected from calls I made, it constantly called the people back.

I hated it.

Yes, it had been nice to watch video of baseball highlights and constantly be checking scores, but it wasn't worth the aggravation.

So I went into Verizon and told them to take it back and give me the most boring flip phone they could find. It's a lot like the phone I had five years ago.

I love it, even if it does have a camera.

Thanks for the  minute.

It's challenging yourself that helps you stay young

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One of the things that makes an awful lot of people very unhappy in the long run is that they stop learning. They stop challenging themselves to acquire new skills, to amass knowledge about new subjects.

My new surfboard

I'm planning to challenge myself in two ways. I have written previously on my other blog, One Voice, about the fact that I'm learning to surf at age 60. The first used board I picked up was too small as 6 1/2 feet, so I ditched it and acquired another previously owned one that's 8 feet long and significantly heavier.

I'm running out of time now that I'm down to my last few months living in California, but I've vowed that I will be able to stand up and ride at least one wave before we move to Georgia.

The other challenge is going to be gardening. I'm doing a lot of reading and planning with the goal of devoting half of our new backyard to growing fruits and vegtables.

I may be growing older, but I'm never going to be an old man.

Thanks for the minute.

Sometimes dignity is all you can hang onto

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I don't know sometimes if I'm extremely lucky or extremely unlucky.

Back in the day.

I loved the nearly 30 years I spent as a journalist, and I miss the fact that I'm not working -- or making any money -- anymore. But every time my friend Mick tells me about some of the angst he has to undergo from his bosses at two community colleges, I find myself feeling very blessed that I no longer have to follow anyone's orders.

It's really a shame that so many people these days feel the need to remind their employees how much power they hold over them. In my penultimate confrontation with my last boss, the unfortunate Steve Lambert couldn't stop shouting at me that he was my boss.

In the end, though, once I realized he had decided to fire me, he had lost all his power. I was able to walk out of the office with my dignity intact.

Sometimes that's all you can take with you when you leave.

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Exercise is such a crucial part of life

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There are very few things you can do for yourself that are more beneficial than finding a way to work some physical exercise into your daily routine.

Lost Maples State Park, Texas

I'm not talking about "workouts," although there's certainly a lot to be said for lifting weights, working on machines or running on a treadmill.

Sometimes it's as simple as going for a walk, especially if you put in enough time to get some decent distance.

I picked up the hiking habit during 11 weeks in Texas this spring and summer, and I had the chance to hike in some truly lovely state parks in the Hill Country west of San Antonio.

Since returning home, though, most of my hiking has been done on the sidewalks of Montrose, Glendale and Pasadena, but I have been completely faithful about it. I have been home 39 days and I have walked every single one of those days, usually five or six miles.

Yes, it has helped me lose weight, but far more important, I feel great and I am in touch with the physical side of myself. I've not only claimed final victory in a five-year battle with sleep apnea, my wife tells me I'm not snoring at all when I sleep.

Walk daily.

You'll never regret it.

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Television is a complete waste of time

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Is there anything that's a bigger waste of your time than watching television?

Whether it's the mindless swill that makes up so much of network programming or what passes for news on the networks and the cable channels, I don't think I can name one positive thing about watching a lot of television.

To be fair, I watch quite a few movies on DVDs, and there are at least a few series that I will watch at my own pace by picking up a season on DVD.

But I have reached a point in my life when I absolutely refuse to sit through any advertising -- so much of it is ridiculously inane -- and I haven't watched any "television news" for nearly 20 years, except in the case of certain events.

I watched on Sept. 11, 2001.

I watched -- a little -- on election night in 2000, 2004 and 2008.

But I've learned too much about the subtle ways in which television changes people, including the actual passivity it introduces into your brain. I am thrilled -- yes, thrilled -- that both of my children plan to raise their children with severely limited amounts of television.

If I know one thing, I know those kids will grow up smart.

Thanks for the minute.

You can do things that matter to others

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Most of us know there are a lot of things wrong with the world, but most of us are so overwhelmed by the scope of those problems that we think we couldn't possibly do anything that would matter.

Wrong. There are all sorts of things you can do.

Try something for the next few days. Try smiling at everyone you encounter, try wishing people "Good morning" or "Have a great day" instead of just passing them by. You will literally be amazed at how many people smile back at you and respond to your kindness, and you will be surprised at how good it makes you feel.

When I was in Texas, I was shopping at a Best Buy store on the outskirts of San Antonio. The cashier was a young guy who was practically crying when I came up to check out. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me it was his first day and his previous customer had been in a terrible mood. He had berated the young cashier for being slow and had told him he was incompetent.

I said he shouldn't worry, that what had happened was more about the customer than it was about him. When my transaction was completed, I told him he had done a great job and that I hoped he had a great day. As I left the store, he was smiling.

I made a difference to that one.

Thanks for the minute.

It starts with one starfish, or one minute

A big job starts with a single action.

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I want to tell you a story.

Two men were walking on the beach, a beach littered with thousands of starfish that had been stranded when the tide went out.

They were dying.

One of the men bemoaned what nature had done, while the other reached down, picked up a starfish and carried it to the water.

"There are thousands," his friend said. "You can't possibly make a difference."

The man picked up another starfish and carried it to the water.

"I made a difference to that one," he said, smiling.

We get overwhelmed by the size of our problems, by the size of all the terrible things that seem to be happening in the world. Millions of folks out of work, millions of mortgages underwater, billions of folks either starving or close to it.

What can we do about it?

We'll be talking about that in future posts, but for now, remember the old Chinese saying.

A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.

And healing the world can start with a single starfish.

Thanks for the minute.